I’m not in the room!

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Stephen King is quoted as saying that he isn’t in the room when he’s writing.  I haven’t got the exact quote.  But it’s something like that.  That’s where I’m at with my writing.  Cheers!

I am writing my second book Abigail.  In it the heroine has a depression.  I write to raise awareness about mental illness.  As I write, I realize that I have a depression as well as suffering from anxiety.  I didn’t know this until this month when I started writing my second book.  As I write, I become the person I am writing about.  As I write, I see my depression for what it truly is.

I find it hard to do the basic things in life like taking care of myself and especially, cleaning.  Cleaning depresses me so much that I have had help for over ten years.  But now as I am aware of this, I am slowly taking back my own life and cleaning.  I am also taking better care of myself.  One of the first signs of a depression is lack of self-care.  If this is happening to you then know that you are probably suffering from a depression and seek help.  At first your family doctor can help.  If it’s serious he or she will tell you to seek professional help.  But the family doctor is the first step.  Open up.  Talk about your depression.  You are important to the people around you who love you and to humanity itself.  Everyone has their special something to offer their loved ones but also people around them.  Be it friends or even strangers.  Who knows?  Your kind actions may help someone out of their own depression without you knowing it!  You matter!  Take care of yourself!

Cheers!

In addition, writing helps with my mental illness.  Something about writing down what happens in my day helps me.  Expressing it even just in the written word helps me.  Try to write it down.  You could start a story.  Where the hero is you.  Or you could just keep a journal.  Write down the little things in your day as well as the major events.  Write my friend write!  And slowly you will heal.

photo credit:  Jan Kahanek with Unsplash

We stand together…a poem.

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Meredith Gibraltar writes the last poem for her first book Martha.  Cheers!

We stand together.
I still have the demons of my past.
But with you I am stronger.
I don’t lose sight of my goal.
To stand alone against my demons!
You give me strength.
But the battle is still mine.
My inner demons want to shine.
But I stand strong.
My battle is never ending.
But I stand strong.
Your touch gives me added strength.
A peace amidst the storm.
Your touch gives me added strength.
I am alone no more.

Courage…a poem.

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Meredith Gibraltar writes a poem about courage for her book Martha.  Cheers!

I felt terror!
It pressed my head into my pillow!
I struggled to lay still.
I struggled to stay calm.
But it was all in my mind.
I read a book.
A romance.
It talked of voices.
And people believing in them.
I thought that’s what I do!
Could the voices not be real?
Are they all in my mind.
With courage I checked.
With courage I stopped listening.
With courage I dared!
It is all in my mind!
But still I fear.
Now it’s everyday things.
But the fear is less.
With courage slowly I heal!

Happy New Year!

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Meredith Gibraltar would like to take the time to wish you and your’s a Happy New Year.  May the new year be filled with love, blessings and good luck.  Cheers!

This is my best painting of 2017.  I have captured the crouching leopard very well.  He looks balanced as he enjoys a meal.  It is a pastel painting.  Yes, I am an artist too.

I have come a long way in the past year.  My illness was very severe at New Year’s last year.  Since then with courage and perseverance and encouragement from my loved ones I have dealt with my fears.  I have therapy and that has helped since the medication is helping.  But what really helped was and is the counseling.  Therapy without counseling is useless.  You have to talk about what is bothering you.  And you need to talk to a professional.  They can guide you and can guide you to books that can help.  Two books I use are The Courage to Heal Workbook and Anxiety & Phobia Workbook.  They have been invaluable in their guidance and in my self discovery.  Please if you have anxiety seek professional help.  You need it!

I am developing the suspense in my novel Martha.  Martha will be followed and in extreme danger.  The men searching for Daniel will find her and Daniel must step up and protect her so that she will survive.  Martha’s anxiety increases.

I have been blessed with a miracle this December 2017.  The miracle of birth.  I am a grandmother for the first time in my life.  The child, Erik, was born on Dec 28 2017.  He weighed 10 lbs 5 oz.  And is healthy.  As I held Erik for the first time I felt a rightness deep in my soul.  Here was a reason to heal.  Here was a reason to keep on trying.  Here was a reason for being.  The little man is a good baby and my daughter is fine and both are healthy.  I thank God for little Erik.  May God keep him and my daughter safe.  Thank you God.  My cup runneth over.

I wish for all of you a miracle in 2018.  A miracle is unique to every person.  I wish for you a guiding light that can help you heal and be courageous.  It is with courage that we face our inner demons.  The road is long and hard but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  Slowly we heal.  Happy 2018.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

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Meredith Gibraltar wishes all of her followers a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!  Enjoy!

I would like to take this opportunity to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.  I wish for you love and happiness at Christmas and all the best in the New Year.  I wish that all of your New Year’s Resolutions are fulfilled.  All the best :).

My mother is coming to my place for Christmas.  I am so excited to see her.  But I’m exhausted.  A lot of my anxiety is subconscious but it makes me tired.  Because of the extra shopping and picking up my mother, I am more anxious and I am exhausted.  People with mental illness find the holidays stressful for many reasons.

Martha is at a point where the suspense of the story is stopped for Christmas.  It would have been too complicated to have Martha in extreme danger with her mother in town.  After Christmas she will be followed and the men will almost apprehend her.  Will Daniel be able to keep her safe?  Only time will tell!

This poinsettia is my Christmas card for this season.  I am also an artist.  This card is made with a watercolor painting.  The card is available as a 5×7″ card.  Printed on 24 lb paper.  You can also purchase a package of ten cards.  All this at www.miriamsart.com.

Enjoy!

My writing journey…

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Meredith Gibraltar speaks of her writing journey.  A teen novel sparked some anxiety.  Slowly she heals.

I had posted before that I was about to read a teen novel.  I hesitated but thought that I too might write teen novels in the future and therefore read the book.  However the character experienced some things in her past that triggered an anxiety attack for me.  I wasn’t even going to read the book and it resonated with me so much.  I didn’t realize it’s affect on me until a couple of days later.  The book brought back memories and made me fear.  I got paranoid and anxious.  I rated my fear and belief in the negative thoughts.  Then I thought of a positive counter statement to help battle the fear.  It helped but I was affected for two days.  Finally I was courageous and faced my fear today.  Then I rewarded myself by going out for coffee.  I had a breakfast sandwich (healthier than cheese cake) and coffee at my favorite coffee shop.  All because of a book that I almost didn’t read.

I will be writing teen novels in the future.  It might be my first short story.  I hesitate to take the focus off my novel to write a short story but maybe it will do some good.  I’ll see.  I wrote about my anxiety in my novel.  It is fiction but reflects some of my life experiences with my anxiety.

Cheers!

Courage…a poem.

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Meredith Gibraltar writes a poem about courage.  The book is slowly coming along.  I am almost at the end.  Slowly I write.  Cheers!

It takes all my courage

To face my fears.

Sometimes I just hold my breath

And do what I have to do.

Sometimes I bury that fear so deep

That I am not aware of it.

But I fear.  Daily I fear.

Now I trust in myself.

And I trust in God.

That trust runs deep.

No one is interested in me.

No one notices me.

What a relief!

It was all so real before.

But it was like a dream.

Not real.  Real is now.

Real is that no one is interested in me.

No one.  No one.

I am alone.

Theo…a poem.

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Meredith Gibraltar writes a poem about Theo the second section of her book called Martha.  I am still working on a subtitle.  I’ll keep you posted.  Cheers!

Theo.

A time of fear.  A time of love.

You gave me the confidence to step out.

To step out while I feared.

You made me smile.  You made me laugh.

The joy I felt helped ease the fear.

The joy I felt gave me confidence.

The joy, Theo, the joy!

I come awake…a poem

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Meredith Gibraltar writes a poem for the second section Theo of her book The Dominant.  It is part of a major change in the book and gives a hint to the reason why I am writing this book.  Cheers!

I come awake.

I finally see.

Is it real?  Are you real Theo?

What if it’s all in my mind?

The danger.  The fear.

What if it’s all in my mind?

But.

What if it’s real?!

Can I take the chance

With lives at stake!

Can I take the chance God?

What if it’s real?

I write to heal.

I write to express the inner demons.

The inner demons in my mind.

I write to heal!

May God help me!

I am awake!  I think?!